Goldilocks and the Three Bears
by RaminMyAngelOfMusic15
Summary: A humorous take on the classic fairy tale. Generally a quick read and is fun for the whole family.


Once upon a time, there was a young girl, 15 years old, named Goldilocks. Her friends called her Goldie; at least they would if she had any friends.

When Goldie was 10, her parents divorced. Goldie lived with her mother who was so heartbroken that she was cruel to Goldie.

Her mother made her sleep on the most comfortable bed in the house, by the fire if it was cold. Goldie's mother gave her more food than she could eat and lavished her with all sorts of care for young Goldie.

Goldie's life was miserable and after five years and three days of this torture, Goldie decided to run away.

She packed up as much food as she could fit in her basket, with a little help from her mother. Goldie left in the middle of the day and waved goodbye to her mother, who was working in the garden.

After Goldie was a good distance away from her home, she sat down and started eating her lunch.

While she was eating, a big bad wolf came running up to her and said, "Give me your basket Little Red Riding Hood, or I'll huff and puff and blow your house down!"

He grabbed her basket and ran off into the forest. Goldie sat there for a moment, trying to figure out what had just happened. When it became apparent to her that she did not know what 'Little Red Riding Hood' was. She gave up.

Goldie started on her way and noticed a thin wisp of smoke rising over the trees.

"Oh," Goldie exclaimed, "Smoke. It must be coming from a giant candy house with a friendly witch living inside who will feed me lots of food and candy!"

The now excited Goldilocks skipped in the direction of the smoke. After half an hour of joyful skipping, Goldie finally reached a small house.

After the much tired Goldie caught her breath from skipping for so long, she noticed that the small house wasn't made out of candy treats.

At first, she was very disappointed, for she had really been hoping to find a house made of candy. But then she realized that a house with a fire meant a house with food!

Goldie realized how very hungry she really was, she hadn't eaten anything for the last 30 minutes.

Goldilocks rushed at the front and pushed it open with such force, that the door came completely off its hinges and fell with a bang to the floor.

The first thing Goldie saw as she took in the room was a small table with three bowls of porridge; she looked around the kitchen to see if there was anyone in the house.

She then called out, "I'm going to eat this porridge! If you're alright with this, say nothing at all!" Upon receiving no reply to her call, Goldie set about tasting the first bowl of porridge.

She took a spoonful of the porridge from the bowl. She dropped the spoon back into the bowl and shouted, "This porridge is too HOT!"

Goldie took a large spoonful from the next bowl. Goldie tried to drop the spoon, but it stuck to her tongue. She screamed, "This porridge is oo COLD!"

Goldie pried the spoon from her tongue and moved on to the next bowl.

Goldie took a large spoonful rom the last bowl of porridge. "Ah, this one is JUST RIGHT!" Goldie ate the whole thing and then mixed the first two bowls and ate those as well.

After all of that porridge was gone, Goldilocks realized that she didn't like porridge! Goldie then decided that she would go into the living room and watch ESPN on the flat screen TV.

There were three chairs in the room and they all looked very different. Goldie sat in the first chair and started sinking into it.

After a few minutes of fighting against the chair, she finally pushed her way free. She stood up and moved to the next chair.

Goldie sat down on the second chair; it was also the largest of the three. "This chair is much too big and hard for me, no matter what way I sit, I just can't get comfortable!" Goldie got up again and moved to the last chair.

This was the smallest of the chairs and was just about her size. She sat down and said, "This chair is just right."

Goldie turned on the TV and watched ESPN for an hour, until the chair she was sitting on finally gave in to Goldie's weight!

Goldie sat on the floor and decided that she would make the room lok like a crime scene by destroying the other chairs.

After all of the chairs were in pieces on the floor, Goldie went upstairs because her chair destroying had really tired her out.

She went into the first bedroom, which must have been the master bedroom.

She laid down on the left side of the bed and found that it was hard as a rock. She then rolled over to the other side of the bed and quickly started sinking into it.

She fought to break free of the pink lace that was beginning to fill her vision. She broke free and ran from the master bedroom into a smaller one across the hall.

In it was a single bed just about her size. She climbed into the bed and fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow because the bed was just right.

While Goldie was fast asleep in the small house, the family who lived there was walking down the path. The family was dressed as bears because they had just left a costume party coming in third place.

When their house came into view, they saw that the door had been knocked down. The mother of the family said, "Oh dear, that was mahogany!" They then ran the rest of the way and straight into the house.

As they entered, they saw that all of the porridge they had been planning on eating for dinner was gone.

They then went into the living room, only to find their TV on and their chairs in ruins in the floor. The mother said, "This can only mean one thing! Someone threw a great party and we missed it!"

Her husband and son were both very disappointed that they had missed a killer party, so they decided to turn in early.

The family walked up the steps, heading for their rooms, but the sounds of their arrival had woken Goldie.

When the boy entered his room, he saw the shape of a person in his bed. He ran across the hall to his parents and told them to come look.

All three walked into the small boy's room and stared at the with wide eyes at the bed. They walked slowly over to the bed.

Goldie had decided to try and scare the family. When the family got close enough, Goldie jumped up and screamed. Then the family began screaming as well.

They all stood their screaming for a good 10 minutes. Goldie then realized that she had entered the house of a family of bears!

Goldie ran to jump out of the window, but the mother caught her and pulled her back in and set her on the floor.

"I would have set you in a chair, but we have no more chairs because they are all broken," the mother said.

"Yeah, sorry about that. I thought this was a Bed and Breakfast and kinda got carried away," Goldie said.

"Well, why have you come to our home?"

Goldie began to tell the tale of how her own mother had treated her so poorly, and how, after five years and three days of that torment, she had run away.

The entire family was moved by the story of this brave little girl and embraced her, and told her she could stay with them as long as she pleased.

Goldie stayed with the family for all of two weeks. She then became bored and went home to her real mother, who hadn't even noticed Goldie's absence at all.

**The End!**


End file.
